Gambling update

Life hasn’t been great or even good lately here at 217 SM. The ups and downs of being in a 12 step program but hardly stepping are getting to my husband and I’m taking the brunt of it. The nitpickiness, the grouchiness, the aches, the pains…and while my heart goes out to him for dealing with the demons that have chased him (us) for years, I wonder how much of this I can take or should be required to take.

I’ve heard about couples divorcing when one finally gets help and now I understand why. It’s because it’s all there on the table…all of the ugly truths. Nothing can be denied any longer and now you have to deal with the hard work of recovering and it is hard and it’s not pretty.

I would like to think that in a year, things will be much improved and we can actually have the life I’ve dreamt about having as a married woman. Stay tuned.

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Waste in surburbia

I live in a nice, gated community with people I consider to be pretty well educated and like minded, however, I’m constantly amazed by the “trash” I see at the curbs while walking our dog Belle late at night. Since living here, I’ve rescued three children’s bikes, one perfect, the others in need of minor repairs, several good toys, and two lamps, a nice mirror and now two bar stools that we use in our house. None were dirty or broken and they were all actually of good quality and attractive.

Why do people throw perfectly good items away when there are dozens of agencies who would be happy to take them? There are drop boxes throughout my area where one can take clothes and shoes, and Amvets, Goodwill and other organizations make regular stops in our neighborhood.

I think it’s just laziness to be honest. and a disrespect for others who would appreciate having a used bike or toy. Anyway, my husband and I just don’t understand it. It makes us angry and I needed to sound off.

I always think of the quote from the French visitor to the U.S. almost a century ago when asked what he most remembered: “The waste..the incredible waste.” (Or something to that effect).

And it continues…

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Upscale ghetto

We live in a gated community. We moved here because we had a terrific lake house in Georgia but were surrounded by people who preferred the tractor-as-yard-decor look–and we got sick and tired of it. At one point, we had to put up a fence to hide the mess behind one neighbor’s garage.

In our gated community, it’s the rare man (not to mention woman) who does any of his or her own yardwork. No, that’s left for the hired help who come in once a week with noisy mowers and blowers. Sounds good, but there’s a problem…many of my neighbors don’t seem to have a clue about what’s going on in their own yards.

I walk my dog at least twice a day throughout the hood, which comprises about 134 homes that cost $450,000 and up in 2007. Nice homes. Some of the yards have flecks of garbage in the. Some have giant weeds growing up through their bushes–that’s an area the yard crew doesn’t handle, I guess. Last night I picked up an empty dog food bag and put it into a garbage can by the curb that should have been taken into the garage two days before. I’ve picked up candy wrappers, empty soda cans and bottles, you name it and many times, they were right on someone’s driveway or next to the mailbox.

I don’t get it. I can understand being too lazy or tired to mow your own lawn, but for heaven’s sake, take a look at it once in a while and clean it up.

And there’s the dirty sidewalk issue. Sidewalks that could be bleached clean in a few minutes are covered with black fungus. Again, are you blind or just completely lazy? Clean the damn sidewalk, I’m ice skating on it when your sprinklers are going off.

I’ve never lived in such a costly yet unkempt neighborhood. I’m starting to rethink this gated thing. Losers can be found at all economic levels, I guess!

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A new normal

Attended my first Gambler’s Anonymous meeting with my husband on Saturday. I was surprised that he agreed to go and thankful if was an open meeting that I could attend (as the non gambler.)

We both learned a lot–that gambling is a compulsion, a progressive disease, and will usually lead to death or insanity. Bruce admitted his brain felt scrambled.

He has a sponsor who calls him daily, and his father is also involved, courtesy of my phone call to him Friday night when all of this finally reached critical mass.

I hope for the best. We went to another meeting on Sunday and for now, it appears that we will be attending GA meetings for the rest of our married life.

One day at a time…

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Healthcare deformed

My husband Bruce and I knew that Mr. Obama’s health care reform would mean bad news for us and that bad news came yesterday. Bruce’s employer is a small business who right now (December 3, 2010), does not know what his tax situation will be in 2011 since our Congress couldn’t be bothered to deal with that issue; he doesn’t know if the economy will have a chance of recovering with all of the damage done since Obama took office; and he’s wondering if he is going to have to issue those silly W9 forms as a result of health care reform.

As a result, his medical plan is not as good as it was last year, and the costs are going up. We will spend $200 extra to have coverage–$746 a month. That coverage includes a $1,500 per person deductible (which will apply to my first set of liver transplant labs in January); an $800 deductible for prescription drugs (again, we’ll pay that in January); and then coverage is a dismal 50%…the lowest coinsurance I’ve ever seen as a benefits consultant.

All in all, as a result of looming health care reform, some of which is already costing the insurers and business owners money, we will have a minimum of $15,000 in out of pocket medical costs in 2011.

Health care will not in any way improve. I am thankful, at least, that the new insurance includes my doctors.

The only positive side to this whole mess is that after taxpayers see how bad their coverages are in 2011, Obama doesn’t have a chance in hell at being reelected.

We’ll still be left holding the bills.

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If you crate an animal–crate yourself!

I admit that for many years now, I’ve had a hard time living in a world that I find completely out of control and downright evil. The things people do…to other people and to innocent animals makes me want to bang my head against a wall, commit suicide, or grab a rifle and kill all of the bad guys. (Note: I do not own a rifle, do not intend to buy one and do not know how to shoot one.)

I would have no problem, for example, putting a bullet through the head of anyone who abuses an animal and for me, that starts with crating dogs. Think about it. Our entire country has come to believe that it’s appropriate to take someone’s baby, put it in a cage without food or even water for several hours a day, often in a lonely room, and that’s called housetraining. “Oh, he loves his ‘room’,” they will tell you. Right. Tell me another lie.

My parents and now me have housetrained dogs quite easily without the use of any type of cage or other restraining device. It’s called common sense. You walk the puppy in between hours of love sessions because you have a little baby in your house who’s been taken from his or her mother and siblings and that can’t feel good.

So you provide tons of love, you walk the puppy and at night, you walk the puppy again and when it whimpers from its little bed right next to your bed, you get up and walk it again.

If you leave your house, puppy can stay in a gated kitchen, preferably one with a window, or another room in your house that offers a glimpse of the outside world.

I guess I’m saying that having a cat, dog, puppy or kitten or other innocent living creature in your home requires a lot of love and a healthy dose of common sense. Would you like to be in a crate, thirsty and lonely for hours? Would you like to be on a chain in a yard? Do you want to be stuck in a basement or locked in a bathroom? Then why on earth would you do that to a helpless animal?

My dogs have never had bad behaviors such as chewing on furniture or chews. I call excessive chewing “crated dog syndrome.” Your dog can’t say, “Fuck you for putting me in that fucking cage,” but he can chew up your dining room table legs. And so it goes.

Another sore subject with me is people who have pets who are not allowed in the living room, or on a chair. If you are too lazy to clean your house, please don’t bring an animal into it (and by the way, when I’ve met or heard of people who have these rules about their pets, they are usually people who live in a dumpy trailer or otherwise filthy homes)…so I wonder–what are you protecting?

My animals have free reign of our house…it takes a lot of work, but it’s just a house and it’s just furniture and it’s just soon to be gone carpet replaced with wooden flooring. We live with them fully, we love them fully, and the joy they bring us is immeasurable.

I don’t know how crating got to be so mainstream in the U.S. I guess Americans, who have to have it all even if they don’t have time or can’t afford it, figured that they could have a dog and just put it away for a few hours when it wasn’t convenient for them.

Sometimes, people just make me sick.

(with apologies for sinking to the f-word, but I needed the most foul word possible and that’s it)

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Like to shop–find a new hobby

I really don’t understand people who like to shop. Shopping is what one does when one “needs” an item…and that should be all it’s ever done for. We should not shop to get ideas for what we might want to buy–and we should not shop for stuff we already have unless we are upgrading and plan to give the used item to an appropriate charitable organization.

I shop with a list or with a goal in mind. Maybe I don’t “need” but would like to find a pair of casual pants that fits better and is therefore, worn instead of hanging in my closet. If I succeed in finding the new pant, the old one goes right to Goodwill or a similar organization.

I see products at WalMart and other stores that less than 1% of the population really needs–yet they are flying off of the shelves like motorized frisbees. And those items in souvenir shops? The cheap, plastic shot glasses, refrigerator magnets, and bumper stickers may seem like a good idea when you’re in the heat of a hot vacation, but you know they wind up in the clutter pile at home along with all of the other useless junk you’ve bought over the years.

I make it a rule not to buy useless junk. If there’s not a function for an item, you will not find it in my house. It’s there to decorate or to help make my life easier, to be worn, or to be consumed.

I’ve found that when I do make a rare whimsy purchase (a puppet bird on a stick comes to mind), I usually regret it almost instantly. Because it’s waste and I don’t like creating more waste in a world where waste is the one constant in all of our lives.

I’m the person who has been carrying a used ink cartridge in my car for a month now, waiting to recycle it the next time I go into an office store. I’m the gal who takes a stack of magazines to her various appointments around town, because it galls me to throw perfectly good reading materials away. I’ve rescued other people’s flower pots, plastic clothes hangers and even swimming pool toys from the trash, and either kept them our found a home for them.

Consume and trash, consume and trash. There must be better ways to spend ones’ time, no?

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Those bad corporations–not

I had a very liberal friend once who worked in the university system in GA along with her English professor spouse. When he found a job in New York, they moved and she accepted a job in the library of Down Corning. “I’m worried about working for a corporation,” she told me.

I told her she must be kidding–that the best jobs I ever had were for large corporations. The work was challenging, but not impossible, the benefits were outstanding, the pay good, and I rarely worked overtime.

Corning, I found out, has a corporate jet that flies to within an hour of her family’s Kentucky home a few times a month, and guess what that “bad corporation” did? They allowed my friend and her three young children, and her husband when he could get away from work, to hop on that jet and fly home for free, whenever she wanted.

Sometimes it meant she missed a day of work. Who cares? She could make it up, hop on the jet.

I wonder if she’s still at Corning–I bet she is. And I wonder if she still thinks that big corporations are bad.

That’s the core problem with liberalism–it’s usually based on lies and fantasies and rarely on facts. Facts, as we know, are so inconvenient to the liberal mind.

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Addiction hits too close to my home

Gambling is a serious addiction, which has hit home recently. My husband of 20 years has apparently been gambling for about two years now…working extra jobs more than usual and not bringing home any money to show for them. Over the past six months and more recently, in the past two weeks, I’ve realized that he was gambling and that it was serious. At first, I noticed that despite all of the side jobs, he was always broke. Then I noticed strange cash back withdrawals from our checking account…visits to WalMart where he bought $3 worth of goods and got $40 in cash. When I saw a $6,000 balance on one of our VISA cards, with dozens of $40 and $60 cash charges, I hit the roof. That was about a month ago. He said it was over. I believed him.

Two weeks ago, the VISA was up to $13,000 and he took $700 from our checking account in one weeks time. I left him home for Thanksgiving to think and blocked several numbers on his cell phone. I also took every piece of plastic from his wallet.

He continues to withdraw money in person from the bank and has not made the call to schedule a session with an addiction specialist, nor has he gone to Gamblers Anonymous as strongly recommended by me.

I told his brother yesterday and just got off of the phone with his father. This is over. I’m moving money to a new account Monday and he can not have access to anything.

This is probably the end of our marriage. He has lied to me a hundred times in the past year over this and thousands of times in our marriage. Yes, the gambling is just a continuation of a pattern of behavior that’s been going on for a long time. First it was pot, then drinking, now this. And he never solves the problem, just keeps finding a new symptom to fill the hole inside.

My brother was right when I told him what was going on a few weeks ago. He said, he’s not going to stop. And he hasn’t.

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Election 2010–veni, vedi, vici

I’m happy with mid-term election results and a repudiation of Obama and the socialist democrat policies, however, cannot believe that Frank, Reid and Boxer retained their seats and Jerry Brown won as gov of CA. Those states get what they deserve. Someone “accused” me of being a tea partier last night. Hell yes–I believe in the Constitution and fiscal responsibility. Is there a problem with that? Really?

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